her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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