I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
