I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
