just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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