In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
