'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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