hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize