i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
