My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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