good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
