i need an iv and a liver transplant
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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