Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
