captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
