i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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