Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
