$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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