Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
