You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
