Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
