Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
