I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.