I didn't shave. On purpose
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.