he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal