u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.