When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.