i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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