can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
