If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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