i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
