omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
