Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
