oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
