Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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