I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
