ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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