theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
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About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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