somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
