my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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