i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
