My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
