D3 body, D1 cock
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
