i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
