She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
