Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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