The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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