marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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