My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
