In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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