It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize