420 ftw
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
