Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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