Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
