one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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