Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
