I seem to have left my pride at pride
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
