I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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