We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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