Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
