Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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