I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Two words: blizzard sex
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize