So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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