But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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