Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
