You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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