The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
