hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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