you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
