New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i love accidental penises.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
