I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
