Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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