so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
