We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
