Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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