I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.