i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.