Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
