you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.