Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.

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(205): View more from Alabama

She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(513): View more from Ohio

I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.

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(256): View more from Alabama

So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.

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(716): View more from New York

HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?

(716): View more from New York

By the way, you're banned for life.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.

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